I have been supported and helped in so many ways this past fortnight, by family and friends of course, but also by complete strangers and those I have never met before. It is my aim to thank each of these ‘Angels’ individually where possible, to express my gratitude for their virtual hugs during such a difficult time. I know how powerful a thank you can be.
If you have read my posts you will have seen how much Ed Sheeran’s music has influenced me during this time, and given me hope and strength. His songs have helped me to sleep at night and have provided me faith that our angel, Arran will be okay. I’ll never get to meet the man in person to say thank you, but I did try to send his managing company the following email in the hope Ed may read it, and know how indirectly, his music has aided us in our time of need.
From: Teri Lambie <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Sent: Tuesday, 7 March 2017, 6:12
Subject: Message of thanks – Ed Sheeran
I’m sorry if I have sent this email to the completely wrong place & I hope that if I have you would be so kind as to advise me of where to forward it to?I wanted to send a message of thanks to Ed Sheeran and believe you may manage him?
Just under two weeks ago we were told our unborn baby has anencephaly and could not survive birth. As you can imagine, we were devastated beyond belief & on Friday last week I gave birth to our precious angel, named Arran. I have sadly had painful complications & trips to surgery since meaning I am still in hospital as I write this now but hope to return home today. It has been the most difficult & testing time of mine & my families life.
So why am I wanting to thank Ed. Well, apart from my blog where I have been able to offload some of my pain & emotions, I could not have got through these past 10 days without the encouragement, positivity & strength that Ed’s music has given me. It is almost as if some of his songs were written just for me and my baby, just at this time, and they have prevented me from falling into the darkest of pits.
All of the midwives here in France (of whom a lot of are big Ed Sheeran fans actually!!!) joke now about how I must have “Ed Sheeran” on because I played his music when afraid and unable to sleep, whilst giving birth to Arran, whilst receiving a painful procedure to fix a hole caused in my spinal column during an epidural – and because I played & sung to one of Ed’s songs as my angel baby Arran was wrapped in a blanket I’d made & put in a box & I had to say goodbye for the last time.
I go on, I really apologise.
I do hope he continues to create brilliant music & inspire others for generations to come.
Thank you Ed xxxTeri Lambie
I dont know if Ed will ever read this but I just felt I had to thank him. I was due to fly out to England this week for the funeral of my Grandad, but due to still being bed bound from all the surgical procedures, I obviously couldn’t go. EasyJet have given me a credit voucher as a good will gesture under the circumstances which I hope to use to fly me and my guitarist, Phoebe, to either Paris or Spain this April, to see Ed in concert. We may be too late in getting tickets apparently, but I’ll keep trying. To be in the close proximity of Ed and to hear him sing the songs which have been such a lifeline for me and have helped me feel close to my angel ever since their birth, will be euphoric.
Ironically, Ed’s latest album, ‘Divide’ was released on 3rd March 2017… the day our Angel Arran was born. Too many synchronicities.
Anyway, I would like to share some excerpts from Ed’s songs which have been so prominent in my finding peace with the last fortnight’s events. Everybody will find their own meanings and interpretations of different songs, I understand that. These are mine.
All of the stars – Ed Sheeran
It’s just another night and I’m staring at the moon
I saw a shooting star and thought of you
I sang a lullaby by the waterside and knew
If you were here, I’d sing to you
You’re on the other side, as the skyline splits in two
I’m miles away from seeing you
I can see the stars from America
I wonder, do you see them, too?
So open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed but both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home
(In our family we believe that when someone dies they become a star in the sky. It is a pleasant way for our children to accept death and loss, and to feel they can still be close to someone who has passed. We believe Arran is now a very bright star in the night sky and this song sums that up.)
Photograph – Ed Sheeran
Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It’s the only thing that makes us feel alive
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know
I swear it will get easier, remember that with every piece of ya
And it’s the only thing to take with us when we die
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen, still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me close until our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home
(We were so grateful to be able to spend time with our Angel after he was born, and to take photos of our smiling Arran. That photo will stay with us and provide us with a constant, happy memory of our little ones life. Love can hurt, a lot, but love can heal and thats what will mend the broken peices of our heart)
Even my dad does sometimes – Ed Sheeran
It’s alright to cry, even my dad does sometimes
So don’t wipe your eyes, tears remind you you’re alive
It’s alright to die, cause death’s the only thing you haven’t tried
But just for tonight, hold on
(I love the phrase “tears remind you you’re alive”. This has enabled me to cry guilt free and be grateful for the life I have with all of its blessings, and for the little life I grew inside me.)
Tenerife Sea – Ed Sheeran (possibly one of my favourite songs of all time!)
And should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it’s enough for me
‘Cause all that you are is all that I’ll ever need
I’m so in love, so in love
(All the doctors said our baby was abnormal, deformed and one even said our baby was not even human. We knew we would love our baby regardless of its physical appearance, and quite rightly, Arran was beyond perfection. And as I said goodbye to him, the above words circulated in my head. Arran was more than enough for me and all I would ever need. I was and will forever be so in love).
‘Save Myself’ gave me strength these past few days when I was in pain and unable to walk. It reminded me that I was responsible for saving and loving myself. Firefly’s lyrics about “little one lie with me and sew your heart on my sleeve, we’ll stay quiet underneath shooting stars” takes me back to the last few nights of pregnancy where I prayed the night would never end so I would never have to say goodbye.
I could go on and on and on…
But Ed, if you do ever read this. Thankyou. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart x