Oh baby…

Christmas morning 2016 we discovered we were expecting another little bundle of the so called “joyful” stuff to burst graciously into our lives in late summer.

It came as a bit of a surprise really! I mean, we’d been actively trying since losing a surprise (but much wanted) baby in September, but I really didn’t feel or believe I was pregnant in the slightest. In fact, it was only out of pure boredom that I took the pregnancy test on Christmas morning!

I’d not gone to bed until near on 2am. I’d been preparing for Santa’s arrival (if you catch my drift) and then had to rouse a slightly inebriated sleeping husband from the couch so the kids didn’t come down to that scary sight on Christmas morning. I’d managed to fall asleep but was wide awake again at 5am, excited for the kids really! And for my amazing pair of retro roller skates which I’d wanted since I was a teenager, that were sat beckoning me from under the Christmas tree.

It was no good. Sleep and I are not the best of friends. So I got up and made a cuppa, checked Facebook and admired how elegantly Santa had managed to wrap and place the presents despite how ridiculously busy he must have been that night. And then, twiddling fingers, I realised my period was overdue. (This I believe may be the point where men close down their browsers, if they hadn’t done so already!)

We’d been trying, kind of, but due to a sickness bug and my irrational fear of vomiting, at the precise time a baby could have been conceived, the chances of me being pregnant were pretty slim. Besides, I had no symptoms whatsoever. But there in the cupboard, gleaming and eager to be peed on, was a supermarket cheapy pregnancy test. Usually I would stock up on tests for this time of the month, but as I was sooooo convinced I was not pregnant, I did nee bother this month. However, its not like I had anything better to do at this ridiculous time in the morning – and I was rather desperate for the loo.

So I did the pee on the stick thing. I swear my pee stream sees this as a game, whereby it does its best to dodge the pregnancy test in order to cover my hands in as much piss as possible! Needless to say, the final results were Pee Stream 9: My hands 0.

I’d not even managed to get off the toilet before a big fat pink line appeared on the test. I blinked a few times. Was I seeing things?? I still had pee all over my hands as I picked up the test and glared at it from different angles, not believing that what I was seeing was real. Blow me down… I was pregnant! I am pregnant! Pregnant! Arrrghhh and Wow and Shit and Hooray and… damn I can’t drink this Christmas or New Year. But most of all… yes! We did it.

I wanted to tell my husband, but it was 530am. Not even baby news would be welcome at that time in the morning.

So I waited…

And waited…

The kids got up and excitedly opened their stockings and presents with us. Still I waited.

I opened up my roller skates which I would have to make the most of before I got too top heavy. Still I waited.

We had some breakfast. Still I waited.

The hubby gave me a stocking he’d made up for me, filled with toiletries… including sanitary towels. This was the time. “I won’t be needing them,” I said sheepishly. Husband looked confused. Pretty standard really.

“You better sit down,” I told him.

“Are you divorcing me?” he asked. Yes, he seriously asked that.

I handed him a Babygro I had bought a month ago in the hopes we may be successful this month and I could give him the present on this very day. Hubby is a huge Breaking Bad fan. For those of you who’ve not watched this series yet – do. Now! But it is about a terminally ill chemistry teacher who teams up with an ex pupil to “cook up” meth amphetamine together. They do so in the back of an RV (recreational vehicle or camper van as we Brits are more accustomed to calling it). Anyway, the baby grow has a picture of the RV on it, and underneath reads, “Breaking Dad”. Fabulous play on words… no really.

I’d not even wrapped it as I was that convinced it would not be needed this month. And again, that familiar perplexed look fell over my husband’s face. Do I really need to explain everything to him like a 5 year old? “Are you pregnant?” he asked.

I nodded. And silence fell. He just stared at the baby gro, and I stared at him. Perhaps he would have preferred the divorce after all? Then he stood up and hugged me and exclaimed happily, “Wasn’t expecting that!”

And there we have it. Our little Christmas surprise. I may not have been able to enjoy a Christmas tipple, but I did spend the morning roller skating with my eldest in the local village school playground, and proudly harbouring a pretty awesome little present growing inside of me. Oh baby!

PS I did wash my hands before making breakfast, just in case you were wondering.

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